My essay

Hey everyone,
I just found this essay I wrote a while ago, before I had a blog, so I thought I'd post it. It's about my favourite subject: seeds. I saw an article in The Onion written by a squirrel about how much he loves nuts, so my essay was inspired by that. Here it is:

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I HAVE TO ADMIT, I LOVE THE SEEDS.
By Humphrey the parrot

I'm a parrot on the go. I've got bells to ring and feathers to preen. If anybody asks what keeps me going when parrot duties pile up, I got one word for them: seeds! I know it's a stereotype that parrots go crazy for seeds, but in my case, it's 100 percent true. I make no apologies or excuses. Why should I? I fully admit that I love the seeds!

Somebody once said the only thing I cared about was seeds. Hey, guilty as charged. And what's wrong with that? Seeds never hurt anybody - at least nobody in parrot circles. Seeds are delicious! Just stuff a seed into your beak, chomp down, and unlock the seedy flavor. Before you know it, you'll be like me: singing the praises of the savory goodness of seedy seeds.

I'm not a strong-willed parrot. If you take a bucket of seeds put them near my cage, you'd better believe I'm gonna eat those seeds. I won't be polite about it, either. I won't share them with anyone. No, I will behave like a fool to secure those seeds. I'll shove as many seeds in my beak as I can fit, and chew as fast as possible to make room for more seeds. If I have some leftover seeds, I'll drop them in my water dish or stuff them in the keyboard for later. And let me tell you: If I can't find my seeds, there's going to be some frantic squawking and flying around, believe me. I don't care if people stop, point, and laugh at my actions. They can call me me all sorts of seed-loving names. I won't stop until I find those seeds.

You might say, "Humphrey, what's the deal with the seeds? Don't you ever want to break out of the mold? Do something a little less expected? Blaze a trail? Why do you just live by the old parrot standards?" Well, I've got an answer. It's simple. Ready? Here it is: I love seeds. Sunflower in particular.
But I love millet seeds, pumpkin seeds, all kinds of seeds. I'm a seed nut! That's an old joke I heard when I was a little kid, and it's funny because it's true. It may be a cliche, but I go crazy for seeds.

Thre's nothing I wouldn't do for seeds. I've been chased by bigger parrots, mice, and children while in pursuit of a luscious seed. You'd think I had some sort of death wish, but that's just not the case. I don't know if there are seeds in heaven, so I'm not looking to die. Believe me, I don't do this for the thrills. I do it for the seeds.

Just so you don't get the wrong idea, eating seeds isn't all I do. I like to fly around and play with my toys. I scramble madly up cage bars and my play gym using my parrot claws and beak. Sometimes, I wag up my tail and stretch my wings. And, believe me, I do my share of eeking and preening. But when I need to recharge, there's only one thing that can satisfy my hunger. Seeds! And a lot of 'em! Oh, boy!

Do you want to make good with me? Then you'd better bust out the seeds. That's the way to this parrot's heart. Don't worry. You won't offend me if you assume that I eat seeds, because it's true. I do. So do all of my parrot friends.

Admittedly, I eat more than just seeds. There aren't always seeds around,
so I make do. Every day, my owners feed me pellets and fruit and veg like apple and carrot. I eat it if I'm hungry. It's all right. But do you know what would have made it better? Seeds. If you had put some sunflower seeds in with those pellets or that aple orcarrot, it would've really been something. But you know what would've been
even better? If you took the pellets, apple and carrot out, and just left the
seeds.

Life is short if you're a parrot. What do I have? Fifty, sixty years? I have to live life to the fullest. I don't want people saying that I didn'ttake advantage of every opportunity that I had while I flapped around this green earth. If, when I'm gone, you hear someone say, "That Humphrey, he was a good bird, but he didn't eat many seeds," I insist you set them straight. You tell them that I loved seeds more than anything.
Man, all this talk of seeds is killing me.